I made many mistakes in the past 24 hours, some worse than others. It started out as a simple thought "this Christmas is going to be a good one", and oh boy how wrong I am so far. don't get me wrong this totally beats when i sent it in the hospital a few years back.
I started my day waking up at 11am. Then the stupid person that I am decided it was a good idea to to eat the rest of the ice cream in the freezer. Bad Choice. It would have been okay calorie wise if I didn't go to my moms house for Christmas eve dinner. Lord only know how many calories was it that food. And then there is me, feeling guilty as ever. Didn't help we were talking about weight at the dinner table either. Any ways sum it up my eating was shit today.
At my dads house I found out that his girlfriend invited her friend over for Christmas. thing can go 1 of three ways. 1. she doesn't show up 2. she comes and keep he opinions to herself (highly doubt that) or 3. he comes says something that makes me mad and I have to leave my dad house early. [I know this sound petty but honestly this is the only place I have freedom to vent without having fear of someone I know finding out.] So I'm stressed, anxious and angry and what do I do cut my arm. I haven't self harmed in 6 month, the longest. then I tell my boyfriend and now he is mad. I really do know how to mess things up!
All in all, holidays are shitty, I'm also shitty but hey at least after today I can fast until I drop.
Call me JT. I am no longer in recovery. Please read the about page.