So I’ve been away, I’ve tried to do the healthy thing and fight me eating disorder thoughts but it’s not working... so I guess I’m back.
Ive been in this unspoken competition that my ed voice has created with one of my “friends”. You know who can be the skinniest. Yet she doesn’t know she is in it. And she is winning! And she is cheating! How might you say she is cheating well... she got bariatric surgery! Weight loss surgery!
why is she allowed to get surgery and eat 300-500 a day and it be healthy and encouraged by doctors. But if I decide to do it it’s considered eating disorder behaviors! That is why it’s cheating! I’m angry. I put in the work, I do all the right thing and no progress. And she gets to take the short cut and now she is smaller than me!
so you know what, I’m done, I’m giving in. I’m going back to eating disorder behaviors right now. No excuses. Right now as I’m typing this I’m at the gym on the bike going to burn off al the cals from
my dinner. Then I’m going to start restricting tomorrow.
that’s it. I’m done. This world is unfair. I’m taking control. What ever it takes. Skinny here I come.
Call me JT. I am no longer in recovery. Please read the about page.